Unsilencing; breathing truth into being.
“My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you. But for every real word spoken, for every attempt I had ever made to speak those truths for which I am still seeking, I had made contact with other women while we examined the words to fit a world in which we all believed, bridging our difference.”
__Audre Lorde, The Transformation of Silence in to Language and Action. (1977)
[Full text here.]
This full speech by Audre Lorde inspired a recent contemplation on the feeling of safety in silence, and that silence over time—how it becomes a form of self-erasure—an invisibility.
For those of us navigating neurodivergent experiences—especially women—silence can feel like safety. It takes different forms: hiding overwhelm, masking sensory pain, or scripting words. It can feel like a refuge from judgment. Yet this internalization stifles the life within us, cutting connection with the outside world—with community and support. Over time, we risk becoming unseen, even to ourselves. This silence becomes its own violence. It erases, fuels exhaustion, isolates, and manifests through physical symptoms of chronic stress, anxiety, and depression.
Unsilencing is a process. For me, it feels like a slow unraveling of truths and a simultaneous letting go of shame. My process began with a late AuDHD diagnosis, which felt confirming—though not surprising. I needed time to immerse myself in research on neurodivergence, autism, ADHD, and CPTSD. I needed time to absorb information and understand the diagnosis in the context of my life.
Next steps were these:
Recognizing the camouflage.
Unmasking felt like pretending. I must be making this up. It was confusing. Who am I? The masking I had adopted lessened over time as I got to know myself. I understood this process would be organic, and that both listening to and trusting myself were essential.
Honoring internal truths.
Allowing myself to stim. I had learned—wrongly—that it was a strange thing to do, so I held back, even when I was alone. I learned to schedule rest. Long rest. Days of rest. I learned this need was real, not a personal failure. I learned to set boundaries based on sensory needs—even when I thought I could adapt—because adapting meant internalizing stress at chronic levels. My health matters.
Connection.
Connecting with other neurodivergent and open-minded communities—in my case mostly online, as in-person interaction is often overwhelming. Finding others I can simply be around—in person—who I talk with without translating my way of seeing and being. People with whom I can just be myself. This conscious connecting broke the dangerous isolation I often experienced.
Sharing my Story.
Hearing my own voice—however it emerges (spoken, written, art, movement)—to state with evolving clarity: This is my experience. This is me. As Lorde says, it’s connection through shared truth. For me, this space of sharing emerged through art. Through art, I found community. The clarity wasn’t initially what it is now. I think my art long existed as a blurred secret within me—subtle, mostly for processing, not for sharing. Recently, the sharing has evolved, increasingly in the form of writing.
Unsilencing has become a conscious practice rooted in understanding, safety, trust, and compassion. Community and connection are strengthened. Confidence grows.
It can start small:
Learn to say no—tell a friend that you’re learning to say no. Practice with them.
Listen and respond to your body—rock gently, alone or in public, without forcing stillness.
Notice how this attention feels—softer, less rigid? Just notice.
Tell one trusted person that eye contact makes it hard to focus—speak with them without forcing it.
Spend time with your inner world—write down your unfiltered sensory and emotional experiences. Write down your thoughts and your questions. Give this inner world a safe space to be, and to be explored.
Spend time with others. Connect with one person you feel comfortable with but haven’t seen in a while.
Beyond the Self
For neurodivergent people, unsilencing is a path toward self-understanding and care; rejecting chronic stress, reclaiming energy and identity—a way to breathe free. As Audre Lorde understood, “every real word spoken” builds bridges. Your truth lessens others’ isolation, and real and authentic connection can be found.
Societal awareness—hearing and seeing these truths—challenges the myth of a correct way to exist. It dismantles the neurotypical standard. Neurodiversity is like biodiversity. It is essential and irreplaceable. Shared awareness emerges, creating spaces where knowledge and understanding open doors to compassion and possibility, and for inclusive diverse communities where collective well-being can be nurtured.
______
Further Reading:
Online:
Reflections on Unmasking Autism Traits by Dr. Megan Anna Neff. Neurodivergent Insights
How Unmasking Leads to Freedom for Autistic People by Eric Garcia & Meghan Keane. NPR
Books:
Research:
Quantifying and exploring camouflaging in men and women with autism. Lai et al. 2017.